Wow these women are on the total flip side to feminism but what exactly are they trying to achieve, once again there is another person telling women we are not doing it right, adding yet more pressure.
How about we all choose how we want to live, being as we are all individual and what works for one isnt going to work for another.
Ive had my 5 years at home with the kids now its me time!
But i guess i could stay at home create no career for myself and hope my husband doesn’t leave me high and dry if he suddenly finds me really boring one day because i have no life and not a lot to talk about!
I have just read an article by Beverly Willett for The Huffington Post entitled ‘Feminists Love Divorce!’ and can’t believe how angry the two women interviewed made me.
I am a married, working mother (full-time) of a toddler/pre-schooler.
I do not class myself as a feminist and I am not American but I was enraged on behalf of the American women out there that are working their arses off to provide, either along with their husbands or not, for their families and for women who choose not to have families.
These women, Phyllis Schlafly and Suzanne Venker seem to have dumped all women into two distinct categories; Women who stay at home to raise their children and put the needs of those children above everything. These women would never dream of getting divorced unless there were serious issues in the marriage such as addiction, abuse or extreme conflict.
And then every other woman on the planet.
It takes all types in this world and if you are the former type of woman generalised by Schlafly and Venker that’s great. If that works for you and your family more power to you but if, like me, you are not this specific model you too may feel resentful at being told you have no morals because one day you might get divorced for reasons other than those listed above.
To make it clear I am currently (happily) married and have been (mostly happily) married for the last nine years. However, there’s no guarantee that this will always be the case…
Now obviously my marriage is destined to last forever and ever etc but what happens if it doesn’t? What happens if over time we fall out of love with each other? No abuse. No addiction (although I’m interested to know what they’re including in this; I have an addiction to shoes and bags, is this grounds for divorce?) and no extreme conflict just plain and simple loss of love, or attraction, or friendship.
I know that love isn’t the only thing that makes a marriage but it’s pretty damn important in my book. Again, sex isn’t the only thing but to me (and the husband) it’s a vital part of our relationship and having sex with someone you’re not attracted too, not just in the physical sense would be weird. Do I need to comment on why friendship is Important?
My question is this:
Is it better to live in the kind of marriage just mentioned for the sake of the children and very possibly be unhappy and maybe even resentful. Or leave. Start again and be a happy family, just separate?; Does this mean that you have no morals?
I understand you are breaking a contract, a promise that you have made to another person and I’m not against making it harder for people to divorce but I do feel that the opinions of these women are somewhat outdated.
‘…the attitude in previous generations, where marriage was assumed to be a lifelong, irrevocable commitment.’
This is all well and good but life expectancy is a lot longer than it used to be and like it or not attitudes and expectations have changed. Judging by Schlafly and Venker’s comments they would prefer if everything had stayed the same from the 1950’s onwards.
To that I say what about all the career women that have provided significant contributions to make our lives the way they are today such as Dorothy Hodgkin’s, Betty Williams and countless others? Are they saying that what these women have done is not important, that they would have been better use to the world homemaking?
And as for this statement: ‘The modern generation was groomed for an independent life. Marriage and motherhood are not something to which young women have been taught to aspire. Instead the women in their lives tell them to focus solely on their career. The result is women don’t think of marriage and motherhood as fulfilling in and of itself.’
I have never heard such an utter load of crap. I personally do not know a single woman of any nationality who would tell a young woman this and even if they did there would be plenty of other women who would give a differing opinion.
Because that’s what we all are…different. And for every career minded woman who currently has no interest in having children there is another woman who wants to be a stay at home mum and another who wants to do both.
So despite the opinions of these two I shall continue to work my full-time job, bring up my daughter with my husband, continue in my marriage and if I feel it necessary in the future, get divorced, and I will not let these ‘Conservative’ women make me feel guilty about it.
GIRL POWER…and BOY POWER for that matter too!
Oh my, what a day. We are now officially in to the last week of our Microsoft Office 2010 testing phase & although everything looks good I have never been so stressed. Okay maybe stressed isn’t the right word, because I’m confident the project is going to be successful. The question is will I be?
This is my first project as Project Coordinator & I need people to know I’ve done a good job. Not because I need career progression, although that would be nice, but because I’m a textbook Virgo who needs recognition.
I’ll be checking the documentation for errors for the 50th time if anyone needs me.
So once out in the cold and realising that despite the sunshine it’s still winter and there’s not much out there to capture I have settled on a few images that capture my day. Namely the view of the allotments, the small one showing that she likes to take pictures too and how basic the amenities are. It’s great fun discovering that the only toilet doesn’t work when you have a three year old doing the ‘I need a pee NOW’ shuffle!
Woken up feeling inspired to get out and take some photos. It’s been such a long time since i’ve felt this way that i’m going to make the most of it…best ensure the camera’s all juiced up and my lenses are present and correct!
I will post the results later is they’re not too shocking.